skip to main |
skip to sidebar
part of me is absolutely panicking that Soul Coaching has finished - gone are the daily affirmations in my diary, gone is the purpose for journaling each day but most that I am panicking about is losing the wonderful connections that I have made. I wish with all my heart that we can keep in touch. I know i have been among an amazing group of women, worldwide. I feel part of a sisterhood and I know I have been blessed by wise words and insights... And I have realized that I am not alone in my constant search and struggle to find out who I am....and yes, I have been helped to peel back layers of my onion, layers of my self....onto today's exercise: LOVE - oh yes, I wish to be the essence of love. PURE LOVE... I go through my day, trying to beam love out to all who pass my way. So that they may feel loved when I am around. I still struggle with not accepting other people's faults. I still get frustrated when people don't see that I have changed and am wanting to be peaceful, loving and kind.. cause sometimes I wasn't.. sometimes I was angry and it showed.... part of me feels like slapping them and shaking them and telling them that I have changed and I am the essence of love, can't they see that?????..... standing back, I see that this is totally defeating the purpose and I laugh out loud - it has to be my ego trying to keep my in line.. trying to keep me angry and lost and I stamp my feet and I will not allow my ego to control me or my life for one second more.. yes, I will stumble and fall but during this past month, I have learned to accept this, to stand up, brush my knees and continue trying. And I will try and I will succeed
last night, as I meditated (or rather sat in stillness as my mind raced like a frantic monkey), a magnificent thunderstorm rage outside. Flashes of lightning illuminating the dark sacred space that I was in. It was as if this storm had come to wash away the last remnants of my previous soul self. Today there is a gentle breeze, the sun is still being shy behind the clouds but every now and then shows his face to promise that he will be here always......forward to the future:
November 2009:what an amazing spiritual journey I have had this past year.... the aboriginal initiation ceremony was fantastic. Even though at first I was apprehensive about going all that way by myself.. I did it!
Walking in our bush as often as I could helped me to connect to the land that I was born to. I actually started to talk and commune with our native spirits. They have guided me and instructed me on how to make my very own flower essences.
I am so proud of myself that I actually signed up for and completed a few natural health workshops. I loved the workshops and plan on doing more next year. I am so intune with Mother Earth, i sit under the stars regularly and talk to the Moon.....my home is the peaceful sacred place that I have always strived for & Joe and I are more in love now that ever.. I am blessed.... I wrote in my gratitude journal every single day and it shows in my life. Everything in my life is all I could wish for and more. My life is full of love, peace & joy.
and into the real world... for those of you who know about my gorgeous grandson Harry - here is an update & some photos: about Harry
A.M: I am at home wherever I am.... for those of you who have known me for sometime, you will know that I have never felt at home here in Australia, although I was born here. My soul has forever yearned for Cornwall, land of my ancestors, even before I knew that is where my roots came from.. it was something deep inside.Australia is a wild, ancient land. Full of mystery. It is harsh and forbidding. But it is also wise. It is full of colour that you have never seen. We have a sky that goes forever. More stars at night than you can imagine. And I am beginning to fall in love with it..with this feeling of being displaced, of not belonging to this ancient land, a foreigner to the land that I was born... today is the perfect day to start believing and feeling that I do belong here. That I am home.It is time to rid myself of this dis-connectedness once and for all... I can begin to walk through the bush and affirm that I am at home here in Australia.P.M: can you believe how the Universe works!!! this afternoon, I received an invitation to an initiation ceremony for women. Run by an aboriginal woman to help women reconnect. It is being held next March. so I say YES.!!!!! I will do this. As much as I will be out of my comfort zone, going alone .. I will do it !!!!!
from my early morning writing: "sitting here, looking out at my garden, at all the shades of green. The leafiness of my garden and the peace and serenity that it exudes - I realize that I gather strength from this piece of land. It brings peace to my soul. When I am in my garden, I am at one with the land... I disappear and become part of it all. I cannot begin to tell how this patch of earth affects me. I am indeed blessed" - I would love to be able to share my garden somehow - there is a whisper of an idea forming in my mind... kind of like spirituality in my garden... but we will see where it goes.
Later in the day, I began to feel a melancholy slip over me, a sadness. I was beginning to feel disconnected and I started to panic. I felt totally lost and alone....utter panic. what can i do? where can i go? who can I talk to?? I had no idea why I was feeling like this....Then realized that it is dark of the moon... so i emailed a few friends, hoping for some wise words and of course I am never let down..one wise soul: "Light candles Robyn, small little ones so they look like stars all around you." and another: "draw a sensuous bath with candle light and perfume and treat yourself with every manner of good thing. The dark of the moon is your powertime and you must summons and invite the strength that is within you to gently hold the sadness with love and surround it with light"... and this i did. I finished cleaning my loungeroom, lit a fire (yes, it is bitterly cold here, we had snow on the weekend.. a few days just before summer!), I pulled the curtains, lit many, many tealights, sat in my big pink chair under a snuggly blanket and I slept. Waking feeling better but still remembering to nurture myself.... making myself a cup of hot tea and a chocolate biscuit (wheat free of course)...
so you see, I was in harmony with the natural rhythm of nature, being affected by the moon!!! It actually made me feel connected once i realized what was happening. It made me feel like i was totally in sync with Earth & my inner wisdom..
something that came to me (and actually surprised me) as I was reading this exercise, was that I am not as downtrodden or insecure as I thought I was. Having been told for many years in the past, that I had an inferiority issue, then I believed I did.
But I am a strong, intuitive wise woman !!
When I walk, I mostly walk standing tall and with a confident pace. I hold my head up cause I don't want to miss anything. Sometimes I may have a frown on my face, but that is because I am deep in thought and I know I frown when I think.
I do believe in past lives and I do believe that we have bought some of them with us, strongly, so that we can join them together in this life.. to consolidate our wisdom from our various incarnations... that is my theory or one of them. Sometimes when I go walking I even see myself as a tall priestess. I am not tall in this life at all but I really see this tall woman, striding along in a green dress. that is me and she gives me confidence..
These exercises have been quite easy for me. I do try to exude and aura of inner peace, wisdom & joy. Do I succeed? Sometimes. Sometimes I feel ratty and ungrounded or sometimes totally out of control and that is when I need to centre and ground.
By reading all of these exercises it kind of affirms to me that i am on the right track in my life.... That makes me feel wonderful!! Like getting 100% in an exam. OOPS there goes the ego again: whispering "remember, pride goes before a fall - don't give in to this pride" - oh thanks for that Mr Ego...but I don't believe this anymore. I choose not to.
I really don't have alot to say about today as it pretty much follows my lifestyle. I feel this post will be a little ho-hum.....
I have been following an ayurvedic ritual for a few months now.
First thing I do when I wake up is have either a detox drink using either lemon or apple cider vinegar in a glass of warm water. This is something my grandma did and I learned it from her. And each morning, I give myself a massage using black sesame oil. Once a week I massage brahmi oil into my hair and leave it overnight.
I haven't done a dry brush detox in a little while and plan on buying myself another good body brush sometime this week and will do the dry brush on the weekend.
I drink quite alot of water during the day, at least 8 big glasses of warm water.. on my altar I have a jug of water that I bless each day and drink as I go about my day. I would like to share an article that has alot of information about water and digestion: water
today as i went through my day, I was very mindful of each sip of water that I took into my body. I ate quite alot of fruit - cutting up a juicy pineapple for the week.. and thoroughly enjoying a few pieces as I did. I am really fortunate that we have an organic food co-op not far from my home and I can buy most fruits organic.. and at quite reasonable prices. I drank some green tea and also a cup of dandelion tea to help my liver. It was a lovely gentle day for me today... I am feeling so alive!!!
right now, my head does not feel like it is connected to my body - not because of the 3 glasses of champagne that I consumed last night, nor because of me dancing like a whirling dervish (hope it is ok to use that term - I always worry about offending people but it describes exactly how I was dancing!!)... but because last night, I ate something with wheat in it and my body & my head are rebelling. It seems I am allergic to wheat & anything with wheat in it. I was so careful, but forgot that sausages may contain wheat and I ate one with gay abandon!!
a little disappointing that I feel like this on the first day of Earth week, when we are connecting with our bodies, because right now, I cannot connect to mine. And even more disappointing was that I was too ill to go to the Soul Collage workshop. I am usually healthy, I follow a very healthy lifestyle and it is beginning to show in my body.. my eyes are clearer, my allergies are lestening and I feel quite healthy. No, make that really healthy
I read through the introduction this morning, but that is all I did.. I think I only said the affirmation once, but I am sure that is ok.. the Goddess can see how ill I am.. so all is forgiven.... but I had to laugh when Denise mentioned digging a hole in the roots of a tree and snuggling. Oh how I wish I could do that... but if I did, the whole while I was snuggling, I would be in a high state of anxiety worrying about funnel web spiders. Or snakes.
I am so, so excited for this week. I love trees, I love dirt. I love nature, the Moon, the stars and hmmm the sun too I suppose... I absolutely love the Earth!!!(ps. I won't be around to visit blogs tonight, I am going to bed.. but will come by tomorrow sometime.. thanks to all of you who visited me today!!)UPDATE: just received an email telling me that there is another SoulCollage workshop this Wednesday night... the Divine is indeed good!
