secret #3 -lots of rambling on this one..

truthfully - I have no idea where this chapter is taking me. Or am I missing something? missing the point? You see, I just live my life and what happens day to day.. well happens. Oh yes I make decisions but I don't have a need to take risks. I don't take dangerous impulsive risks. Except of course getting on the back of the Harley.. but I don't jump off ropes into rivers or dive off bridges. I don't climb up the side of rock races. Mum cautioned me strongly when I was a little girl and it has stuck. I took a risk when I was 10 and had my ears pierced. Last time I took an impulsive risk was when I was 16 and fell pregnant. The result? A son who turns 34 next month.

I have a tattoo and I have purple highlights so I am not a stranger to taking risks.

Maybe I am blessed that I am very happy & settled in my life. I don't have urges to study nor do I want a career. I don't want much at all. I want simple. Usually if I want something or want to do something then I just do it.. within reason of course.. like if I want to travel or buy a big item then of course I have to budget... but I don't think much about doing things. I plan things of course... when my journey gets tough.. i usualy go into panic mode then my strong self takes control. She organises things, she prepares, she prays, she journals. She talks to anyone who will listen. She puts one foot in front of the other, knowing that the journey will continue no matter what she does...

I would like to be more adventurous & original in my 'art'. Not worrying like I do if this piece of lace or that ribbon or flower goes 'there' or 'there' or what colour should i paint the background? Should it be stippled or just dry brushed. Decisions are what I seem to have trouble with. Not trusting my creative self. where does that come from? haven't a clue. Although that all being said.. not once do I second guess myself when designing my garden or my home... if I want to write IMAGINE on my wall then I do it...... if I want to hang teacups from my apple tree.. it's done without hesitation... ...

this chapter has confused me a little. I am not really understanding it at all.... I remember reading in Simple Abundance a week or so ago where she asked.. what is it I NEED to make me truly happy? I need a garden, peace, solitude. a clean and tidy home, time to create. essential oils. candles. a massage. connection to Earth. water. fresh organic vegetables. the ability to create fresh delicious meals. Joe. a pot of tea and homemade cake shared with friends...... I have all of this and I am grateful.

do I need to take a risk just for the sake of it? what would a creative risk be for me? I don't know.. maybe create a poem or verse on my dining room wall?

the 2nd Secret

I must admit that I am struggling keeping up with this book... not sure why. Maybe it is because I have been away or maybe, just maybe I am in panic that I may have to create. Me? Create? I am not an artist my ego tells me. Paint? yeah right. ..... but I desperately want to. I want to paint, I want to create gorgeous collages, I want to find inspiration, I want to make a captured fairy jar. I want to pot....... I am sure I can do all of this but I don't or won't make time.... instead I take time to work in my garden, or create my gorgeous home..... and I cannot, simply cannot take time to paint when my housework is not done. It is not in my make-up to do that. If I ignored the washing or cleaning, and went to create, then all I would do is stress and worry... so I need to find a solution here or else forever I will be a frustrated artist.

so many questions to ponder in this chapter..... when I get creative inspirations, if I don't get them down them down then and there they are gone. As quickly as they came. Problem is most of mine come at 3 in the morning and I usually cannot rouse myself out of that sleep fog to write them down.. at 3am they are as clear as a bell, I am certain that I will remember them & I promise myself that I will jot them down in the morning. But when I wake, try as I might.. I cannot remember.

I am passionate about my garden. It is my absolute passion. I lose myself while in the garden. I know I am creative there. It just happens without any effort from me.

I already have the materials... hell, I have enough for all of you!

but wait! there's more:

i collect stuff. have been for ever, I gather bits and I go and buy old books just to use the covers for art... but there they sit.. waiting, waiting for inspiration to come.... I have ideas for canvases in my head.. but the line between my head and my hands doesn't seem connected properly. Maybe there is a fuse gone wrong.. because it doesn't come out the way that I see it in my minds eye.

oh I already have the space...

I am blessed in that I do have plenty of me time and I do have Sacred Space of my own... actually two.
I have a room where I meditate, where I sometimes take a nap on the vintage cane settee, where I keep my self-help books, my crystals, oils and essences. This room is saturated with angelic presence. It is where I talk to spirit.

then i have my creative studio. where I dabble with ART, where I create my journal, make gifts, cut and paste. where I stare at a blank canvas and wish I could do something with it. But I am scared of making a mistake. This room looks out onto a side garden where peace flags flutter in the breeze.....

starting again.. more self discovery... acknowledging my creative self

yes, I am creative. I know it because I have heard people say that I am creative because I am passionate and emotional and 'most creative people are like that' (I have heard them whisper)... so do I myself, acknowledge my creative self? I don't think so... heck, I don't think I even know myself very well... I change from one person to another, very much like I am multiple personalities... I morph into someone else nearly everyday... I take creativity for granted... I know that I create gardens, I create a peaceful, soulful home, I create sacred space, I create exquisite soul journals, I create delicious meals and sometimes not so delicious meals... but I don't really acknolwedge that this is creating.. I look on it as just me being me. So I guess it is time to grab this, say yes, I am creative! A creative passionate woman...