Monday, August 31, 2009

week 2 ~ creativity is the natural order of my life

finally this sunk in. reading the Basic Principles every day, I had been expecting to sit, pray for guidance to the Creator to guide me & lead me to create some kind of masterpiece much like Leonardo or Monet. Shoot for the stars I say! BUT over the past few days amidst the dreadful turmoil of my wise woman group seemingly disintegrating into a million pieces, I sat and contemplated the cards, worked through it in my soul journal, writing and illustrating for hours on end, coming up with some very deep intuitive answers. I suddenly realized, that what I had been doing was creating. I am creating my soul journey. it was like the Creator hit me in the back of the head with a brick. While sitting drawing or collaging, my soul is still and I am conversing with God. (I use the word God, some say Universe, some say Goddess.. finally, God sits ok with me). I am creating magick in my life and THAT is ok, it doesn't have to hang on the wall ...

(last time I worked through the Artists Way, the Creator began to plant seeds in my mind about gathering a circle of women at Full Moon to do ritual and create magick, at my home here at Inglewood. I started to jot ideas down but it never eventuated, I let the moment slip from my grasp and life went on. Although, I did co-create the group that has been in trouble over the past week. The Creator has started to prod me once more since I began the Artists Way this time, small reminders of what I am to do with a circle here. I feel feelings of discomfort coming, I squirm, I am not brave nor courageous enough to put myself out there and create a real life circle. I don't want to step out of my comfort zone, although I know it will be for my own good if I do... and anyhow, this AW journey is all about creating ART not magic circles, right?)

so going through the week:

ARTIST DATE: check - I went for a meditative walk and found my new wand stick.
CRAZY MAKERS: I am beginning to believe that I could be my own biggest crazy maker.

1. a dress designer
2. a merchant, like Marco Polo, travelling Spice Route to China through Persia, Turkey & India
3. a yogi living in an Ashram
4. a member of an indigenous tribe - connected to Earth spirituality - an American Indian or an Australian Aboriginal.
5. an acupuncturist/chinese herbalist

then somehow I started to think about God.. and some thoughts in my notes were:

"I do believe in God, I have actually worked through the aversion to that word and am now comfortable using it. sometimes though, I do question if God is real. But there has to be something. I know and feel that there is something bigger than me. I do tend to become fearful of believing in a Creator, that if I put all my eggs in that basket and fully trust, then I might discover that it was all a joke, a lie, that there is nothing, no God. and it is not about the religious God, the God that every one argues over who is right. this is about the very beginning, the God/Universe/Creator - .. before Druids, Celts, ancient tribes, witches & pagans... the ONE who is responsible for all that is" - *phew* that was very heavy. but that is what comes of my journalling.. constant soul searching stuff.

see? crazy making goes on in my very own head.

i did find it difficult to list things that I enjoy doing. actually didn't quite get this.. but I wrote a few things...

writing my blog, rides on the Harley, creating rituals, making soup, gardening and wandering around nurseries, dancing when we go out, browsing op-shops, taking walks in the bush and sitting on Mother Earth. I enjoy watching Doc Martin and I enjoy eating oranges sprinkled with salt.... I love walking the beach, discovering rock pools and finding sea-glass (we all know that is treasure, right?)... I love going away for bike weekends, drinking way too much red wine, dancing like a whirling dervish and letting my hair down..(of course I do not enjoy the next day)..

I didn't remember to do the affirmations.. completely forgot, but next week I will work through them, hopefully.. onto Week.3!!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

week One ~ I, Robyn, am willing to learn to let myself create. I am willing to nurture my inner artist.

I missed my morning pages twice, both days of the weekend actually. I just don't seem to be writing much at all.. well nothing astounding, mostly repetitive drivel. of what I can hear outside or I complain about having to do morning pages. I just write stuff until I have finished three pages. I begin to wonder if they do any good really. what will eventuate from them for me, I wonder.

as to the Artist's date - I had everything planned to go on a long solitary walk with a pad and pencils to draw but the rain poured down, so I gave myself the luxury of having a nap in a warm room, underneath a favourite eiderdown.. lying there looking out the window at the wind and rain, feeling very secure, reading for awhile before drifting off into dream filled sleep.. bliss.

blurts came thick and fast
*why do you want to create? *what will you do with it? *what purpose will it have? *why create things that aren't useful or needed? *why bother, you aren't an artist, you don't have your own creative ideas, you always copy others. *you are not an artist, you are just an ordinary woman, living an ordinary life. this is your lot in life, accept it. your family wasn't artistic.... and on and on it went.

wasnt' quite sure about monsters, I really could not remember anyone who actually put my art work down. But I guess one monster could be that I didn't get any encouragement from my parents for any kind of art work. Even when I chose subjects at high school, I was discouraged from studying art and encouraged to study useful things like sewing & home science ~ even when I studied French language, I was laughed at and ridiculed.

the only praise I got was from my Pa when I sang.. he encouraged me to sing as he was an Opera singer & I am sure he wanted me to pursue a career in that, but I had no interest at all in music

my 5 imaginary lives were
1. an archaeologist
2. a village Doctor
3. a potter
4. a nun
5. a gypsy

so that is my Week One in a nutshell... not a big breakthrough.. but I am sure plodding along something will eventually happen.
I am going to try to repeat my affirmations daily...