I missed my morning pages twice, both days of the weekend actually. I just don't seem to be writing much at all.. well nothing astounding, mostly repetitive drivel. of what I can hear outside or I complain about having to do morning pages. I just write stuff until I have finished three pages. I begin to wonder if they do any good really. what will eventuate from them for me, I wonder.
as to the Artist's date - I had everything planned to go on a long solitary walk with a pad and pencils to draw but the rain poured down, so I gave myself the luxury of having a nap in a warm room, underneath a favourite eiderdown.. lying there looking out the window at the wind and rain, feeling very secure, reading for awhile before drifting off into dream filled sleep.. bliss.
blurts came thick and fast
*why do you want to create? *what will you do with it? *what purpose will it have? *why create things that aren't useful or needed? *why bother, you aren't an artist, you don't have your own creative ideas, you always copy others. *you are not an artist, you are just an ordinary woman, living an ordinary life. this is your lot in life, accept it. your family wasn't artistic.... and on and on it went.
wasnt' quite sure about monsters, I really could not remember anyone who actually put my art work down. But I guess one monster could be that I didn't get any encouragement from my parents for any kind of art work. Even when I chose subjects at high school, I was discouraged from studying art and encouraged to study useful things like sewing & home science ~ even when I studied French language, I was laughed at and ridiculed.
the only praise I got was from my Pa when I sang.. he encouraged me to sing as he was an Opera singer & I am sure he wanted me to pursue a career in that, but I had no interest at all in music
my 5 imaginary lives were
1. an archaeologist
2. a village Doctor
3. a potter
4. a nun
5. a gypsy
so that is my Week One in a nutshell... not a big breakthrough.. but I am sure plodding along something will eventually happen.
I am going to try to repeat my affirmations daily...