Sunday, November 16, 2008

Day 15 - I am safe.. facing my fears

today, it was cold enough to have our fire going!!
when I first read this mornings entry,I thought 'oh geez, fears.'.. then I sat and pondered on my fears. I am not sure i have any or if I do, they are deeply hidden.. when I was little I was fearful that I would not get to Heaven.. scared witless by the threat of hell, fire and brimstone. Funny thing is, I do not have fear of cancer.. i did have a fear of recurrence but I worked through that. Sometimes I get an overwhelming fear of Joe, my husband dying.. but I sit and breathe and work through that immediately. I don't know where the fear comes from or why it happens when it does.. but at least I can sort it out and quickly !!

oh and I have the usual fears:
I am absolutely petrified of dogs.. not the little yappy kind, but those big & savage breeds. The kind that snarl and snap through iron gates as you walk past. The ones that make you think that if they managed to scale the fence, then you would be mauled to death. The types of dogs that make me break into a sweat when I hear them barking. My mind starts panicking, my heart beat goes up. Yes, they scare me.. and there is no way I am going to face that by 'going into the lions' den' so I will live with the fear and walk in different areas.

oh and snakes of course. Sometimes, I wish I could live in Ireland. where there are no snakes. Here in Australia, our snakes are venomous and quick. And most of them stand their ground if you happen to stumble across them. Plus they do not keep to their own area, they sometimes come into my garden. I live in fear all summer.. but I guess I do face that fear by continuing to garden. There is no way I will become a snake charmer to get over it..

I guess I have fears like are mentioned in the book.. like going to jail.. but that probably won't ever happen, so I am not going to spend time worrying about it.

Most of my fears have something to do with my belief & spiritual self. I am fearful of ridicule and persecution of my beliefs.. a past life issue i am sure. I am fearful of my powerful magickal self.. and I know that I constantly make light of my 'healing' abilities.. I am fearful of someone seeing me if I am in my Sacred circle performing magick.

I also have a deep seated fear and I truly cannot put it into words but will try: I am frightened of allowing myself to believe fully in the Divine. I am fearful of letting go fully and believing - just incase it all isn't true. I like to have some hold on things in my life, just incase the Divine doesn't hear me, or doesn't help me. I am frightened of surrendering my soul fully. For fear of being let down. I don't know why I am like this, maybe it is a past life issue.. wherever it comes from, I don't know how to change. How do I face this fear? I don't know. But I believe that bit by bit as I chip away by doing things like Soul Coaching.. then oneday, I will wake up and that fear will be gone. One can only hope.


TheModernGoddess said...

We have another thing in common, fear of being ridiculed for our spiritual self. However I am working through that process. Enjoy your Soul Collage workshop, Yes, we are brave!! I would love to attend one of those workshops. I have the book. Blessings, Nicole x

Winterwood said...

and I saw our first snake ever on our walk last week.. I ran home so fast thru the bush I hurt my legs... now I'm too scared to face going there again on another walk!

Serena said...

Robyn, you had a cool day while our's was an absolute scorcher!

i generally don't share my spiritual beliefs with others unless asked. i'm not afraid of what others might think of my beliefs as i am all for, to each, their own. however, i did have an experience once with a friend who is Jehovah's Witness and she was criticising every other religion and belief saying her religion was the only true religion. she was telling me that my beliefs were based in evil. we didn't argue but it came pretty close and i hated how judgemental she was towards other people's beliefs.

i would LOVE to watch you perform your magick!

love, light and peace,

chest of drawers said...

Oh my, fear of dogs - I so share that one with you and I´m also not prepared to go and look a dog in the eyes to get over it. When I visit friends who have dogs I try to conquer my fears by stroking the dog and talking to it while the owner is present but I just can´t get over this fear.

creativehealinggoddess said...

I had a persecution fear until I processed it at a workshop..(being burnt at the stake lol).

A great post and it shows how much courage and wisdom you know have.


ps I use collage in my work shop and I am aware of the soulcollage workshops and cards they are very good.

Genie Sea said...

Hello Ms. Robyn! :) You inspiring, fiery, garden goddess you!

I used to have the fear of trusting the Divine in case it was all bullocks. But then I thought, even if it isn't true, what do I have to lose by burning the fears like unusable newspaper and living unfettered in its majestic heat?

Genie Sea said...

Oh one more thing...

You have been tagged!


Fatma said...

Thank you for sharing your fears.
I share your fear of dogs. I am so much better now. This week will be a great week to release some of those fears. You have come a long way!

amelia said...

It's good that you're in a safe place while facing your fears.

I think a lot of our fears in general are put there by other people and situations, and come to us seconhand, they were not ours at all but somewhere along life's path they became ours.

Caroline said...

Beautiful and honest post! This part resonates with me:

"I also have a deep seated fear and I truly cannot put it into words but will try: I am frightened of allowing myself to believe fully in the Divine. I am fearful of letting go fully and believing - just in case it all isn't true."

Even through this process...I feel like there is a little part of myself that is not fully committed. I can't really put my finger on it...but there are moments where I feel like...what is the purpose? Am I really connecting...or is this just a bunch of bull? My ego can't comprehend the depth of the soul, but it sure questions the motivations...

Jamie said...

Today you were first to post, leading us on our journey into fire with your brave, self-reflective honesty. Thank you for sharing your fears.

Tori said...

I've never had to be afraid of snakes. The only kind I ever see are little garden snakes. I think if I lived in Australia I'd be too scared to garden.

peppylady said...

I find it strange that in Australia you had to build a fire in a stove.

You have one of the same fear about spiritual self and being ridicule and persecution.
But also I don't want to be thump on or thump on anyone about my faith.

I knew Ireland had no snakes. North Idaho has no poison snakes here.
Which is fine.

Coffee is on.

Sacred Suzie said...

Oh Robyn, I'm right there with you. I have an annoying skeptic inner critic that is always bugging me, telling me not to believe, that's is all fake. But I choose to believe anyway, even if it might not be true. That's huge!

Those evil dogs are evil men's creation. I've been almost attacked several times by dogs and know it isn't their fault but still, I get scared around them sometimes too.

OMG, if I had snakes like that around me I'd be freaking out!

What a telling and vulnerable post. Thank you for that Robyn.