early morning thoughts from my journal:
there is one last thing that I must rid myself of. One that really makes me a victim and that is my anger about my cancer. 8 years ago. Time to let it go.
"I feel angry and bitter that I was treated like I was during my cancer. I hate what it did to my body and my mind. I hate that my oncologist had no bedside manner & made my experience with cancer worse than it should have been. I hate that she advised radiation treatment when really, I didn't need it. I could have been monitored to see how it progressed before the drastic measures were taken.".....
what have I gained from this situation?? why am I allowing this to victimize me?? How can I change my perception of this so I don't feel victimized??
I don't know - maybe I have learned to stand up and fight for my own health, I have learnt alot about natural therapies and herbal remedies, I have gained strength of character.. who knows.. all I know is that I must release this victim thinking about my cancer. I must. so that I can move on. How do I do that?"
this morning as I sat blessing my breakfast, I was overcome with a feeling of total peace and I felt like clapping my hands in glee!! I felt like I had 'ARRIVED'.
I woke to a brilliant overcast drizzly day, perfect for the last day of water. And although I had planned spending the day in my garden, I was thankful for the rain, watering my garden as well as giving me the opportunity to make the time to tidy my front verandah and create a sacred space where i can do my yoga early in the morning. so that was the area I chose to clean today... and my affirmation as I did so?: "my channel to the Divine is clear & open"
after I finished cleaning the verandah, the sun had started to shine, so i took myself out into the garden to weed the paths and tidy up the gardens - decluttering my paths of weeds... and my mind started to wander... I don't know if i had any negative thoughts, because truthfully, I wasn't taking any notice.. maybe I did, maybe they just came and went.. and then I realized that sometimes, ya just gotta forget about analyzing the thoughts, you've got to just forget about trying to catch them, because if you don't you will send yourself totally nuts..
and as I weeded, working out where to make my Sacred Grotto, I looked up and there was a perfect red rose, a single rose. Simple. 5 petals. red. Thankyou Mary Magdalene.
I didn't realize how my garden affected others, but after all the lovely comments yesterday, I now realize that by sharing it, even if only on the internet, I can bring peace to other people. I wish each of you could visit.. we could take tea and have a cup cake under the pine tree where faeries live ......