Saturday, November 15, 2008

last day of water - some hate but a whole lotta love

early morning thoughts from my journal:
there is one last thing that I must rid myself of. One that really makes me a victim and that is my anger about my cancer. 8 years ago. Time to let it go.
"I feel angry and bitter that I was treated like I was during my cancer. I hate what it did to my body and my mind. I hate that my oncologist had no bedside manner & made my experience with cancer worse than it should have been. I hate that she advised radiation treatment when really, I didn't need it. I could have been monitored to see how it progressed before the drastic measures were taken.".....
what have I gained from this situation?? why am I allowing this to victimize me?? How can I change my perception of this so I don't feel victimized??

I don't know - maybe I have learned to stand up and fight for my own health, I have learnt alot about natural therapies and herbal remedies, I have gained strength of character.. who knows.. all I know is that I must release this victim thinking about my cancer. I must. so that I can move on. How do I do that?"

this morning as I sat blessing my breakfast, I was overcome with a feeling of total peace and I felt like clapping my hands in glee!! I felt like I had 'ARRIVED'.
I woke to a brilliant overcast drizzly day, perfect for the last day of water. And although I had planned spending the day in my garden, I was thankful for the rain, watering my garden as well as giving me the opportunity to make the time to tidy my front verandah and create a sacred space where i can do my yoga early in the morning. so that was the area I chose to clean today... and my affirmation as I did so?: "my channel to the Divine is clear & open"

after I finished cleaning the verandah, the sun had started to shine, so i took myself out into the garden to weed the paths and tidy up the gardens - decluttering my paths of weeds... and my mind started to wander... I don't know if i had any negative thoughts, because truthfully, I wasn't taking any notice.. maybe I did, maybe they just came and went.. and then I realized that sometimes, ya just gotta forget about analyzing the thoughts, you've got to just forget about trying to catch them, because if you don't you will send yourself totally nuts..

and as I weeded, working out where to make my Sacred Grotto, I looked up and there was a perfect red rose, a single rose. Simple. 5 petals. red. Thankyou Mary Magdalene.

I didn't realize how my garden affected others, but after all the lovely comments yesterday, I now realize that by sharing it, even if only on the internet, I can bring peace to other people. I wish each of you could visit.. we could take tea and have a cup cake under the pine tree where faeries live ......

17 comments:

Winterwood said...

what a beautiful, beautiful rose! I wish I could smell it over the net!

Genie Sea said...

My dear, you are Heaven's Gardener. Your talent for growing beauty is miraculous.

Your words and emotions in this post opened up like a divine bud, from the closed position of pain and anger to the splendidly gorgeous manifestation of the flower that is you.

Thank you!♥

amelia said...

More than anything, I wish I could visit..

Sacred Suzie said...

I wish I could too Robyn! I feel for you so much for what you went through. What a terrifying and infuriated trial you went through. Your voice felt unheard, alternatives were not given as options. But I am glad that you can let it go and transform that anger into a stunning red rose. Now that's magick.

Serena said...

A beautiful red rose, Robyn. I'm sorry you went through such a terrible ordeal with cancer. It's amazing to realise that all you have to do is simply 'let it go' and focus on living in the present moment. You HAVE arrived!

love, light and peace,
serena

TheModernGoddess said...

By questioning how to let go of the victim thinking, you've opened up the space for receiving the answers. Your garden is beautiful and what a stunning rose. Thank you for sharing it with us. Blessings, Nicole x

http://themoderngoddess.wordpress.com/

Jamie said...

I would absolutely love to take you up on the invitation and visit you and the fairies over cupcakes and tea! I'm so glad that I can do that here.

I loved reading about the spaces that you're creating and the peace that you've found.

Gemma said...

The fairies in my garden plan to fly me through the portal into your garden. We shall be there for tea....just like we have so many times before.
:-)

peppylady said...

Your bath is simple and speaks to me.
I think we all have the right to feel as we need to.
But it more like how long we hold on to something that then we make our self a victim.

Coffee is on.

pen* said...

i agree with genie, and i love that: "you are heaven's gardener"
so true.
and what courage you have shown to come through such an ordeal. i feel privileged to be sharing this journey with you.

Paula - Buenos Aires said...

The petals are heart shaped. Beautiful.

Kathryn Knoll said...

So many other women will learn from you and not have to go through what you have. Often, some must make the path first so that it is easier for others to follow. This is one of the things you have done for those who will come after you. This is a way you can make peace of your experience with the cancer. Look at it as a teacher you learned much from so that others could have an easier time of it if they chose to pay attention to what you know. With each step you take before us on the path, there will be others whose lives are made easier by what you have learned. Just a thought....

frustrated artist said...

What an inspiration you are.

Night Owl said...

Your garden really is beautiful, I can almost smell that rose :-)

Tori said...

Your garden looks so beautiful. I wish I could go and see that rose. With winter drawing closer and the days getting colder, there are no flowers out anymore where I live.

Good for you for releasing those bitter, victimizing thoughts!

creativehealinggoddess said...

Well done very good self care by venting your feelings and releasing them.

a beautiful flower...

chest of drawers said...

An afternoon tea with scones and jam in your beautiful garden and a long chat, I´d love that!