Sunday, November 9, 2008

day 8 ~ first day of water

first of all, I want to thank each of you who commented yesterday. I felt overwhelmed with the support that I received.. I am going to print out the comments and stick them into my Soul Journal. All my life, I have been like this.. questioning and saying it how it is... but this is the first time anyone has said 'it is ok' - all my life I have tried to be the nice girl... and i still am but now, i can start to be myself...thankyou

a turning point ~ ooh yes, there has been for me... I feel so much more at peace after my outburst yesterday.... it was like a purging for me... stuff bursts to the top like a volcano. Spilling out like red, angry lava. Is it my ego fighting all the way??? I have come to a sense of calm.... I feel at peace.

so today, first day of water... I sat and journaled my thoughts.... I wrote alot but some things just don't need to go out into the internet.. they are out of my head onto paper and that is good.

'a soul on a spiritual journey' - I like that....

for some reason, I can't remember any definate pivot points in my life... life just seemed to happen to me.. I didn't think much about all that was happening, I just accepted how it was.

As a little girl, my life was more about survival... I remember being scared of being alone..

I know that I have a lack of self love ... " doing this exercise makes me sad. Sad for the woman that I am. Sad that I don't have alot of self esteem, sad that i don't love myself...."

today, I printed the weeks affirmations out and stuck them into my daily diary - then I went out into the garden .. and planted some bean & beetroot seeds.. then I watered them in. I find watering my garden by hand is so peaceful.. I re-arranged my pond plants then sat for quite awhile just watching the pond life.. there are baby tadpoles in there now and my water Lily is sending leaves up to the surface. I cannot wait to see what colour the flower is....

I also decided to tidy the back verandah, something that was one of my de-cluttering exercises that I was going to do last week.. I got stuck into it and before i knew it, I was washing all the split cane chairs and table.... it wasn't until later that I realized that I had actually done a water exercise !!

we went out for dinner and as I sat and chewed each mouthful of food 25 times each - (suggested by the Ayurvedic Dr)... I talked to Joe (husband) about my anger... and we realized that alot of my anger is about my cancer... I did not allow myself to feel the emotions while I was going through the treatments.. I didn't cry in front of people because I didn't want them to feel bad... i didn't scream or shout about it back then, I protected people from my pain, fear and grief and it has been festering... so I am going to take advice given by some of my fellow Soul Coaching friends and I am gonna scream, shout and do whatever it takes to get this anger out.....

13 comments:

Serena said...

that's right...do whatever you have to do to release that anger. quite a bit of what you said resonated with me...i've always tried to be the nice girl and people have taken advantage of that. i've also suffered low self-esteem all my life though, as i've become older, i've felt a little more confident. i still can feel very small and insignificant if i'm around someone who is dominating and loud. i'm so glad you felt at peace today after feeling so down yesterday.

it will be interesting to see what water week draws from us.

love, light and peace,
serena

Kavindra said...

Yes! You go girrrrrrl! Roar!

(I checked in on you 1st thing in my morning to see how you were - I should have known I didn't have to worry - you're a goddess!)

Tracy said...

Good for you, Robyn!!

Genie Sea said...

Oh Robyn - I can't even express how much your journey touches my deeper self. You are such a beautiful soul.

You are a gardener. A giver of life. A nurturer of nature.A fruitful spirit.

Blessings and health for you. I truly believe it.

Genie Sea said...

Oh, and I forgot to say...Welcome home! :)

Jamie said...

There's such a beautiful energy when you share your time in the garden. There's such a sense of peace and connection.

And yay to intuitively doing your water activity of cleaning!

I'm glad you're going to have a chance to let those feelings out, out, out. You feel better when you get outside, and I bet your emotions will too :)

Gemma said...

Hopefully going through this process, will clear some of the things that have been troubling us for so long. Love you dear Robyn...
A black bird sang to me today
what a beautiful thing!

Tori said...

Good for you! I am so glad you feel better after yesterday. Sometimes you just need to get mad to get better.

Jo said...

I'm glad you're venting. I feel much the same at the moment, angry with everyone around me for no reason, I've no idea why, I'd just like to dissappear. Hopefully it'll pass.

peppylady said...

Every one has the right to his or her emotions.

As for question do put my foot in the mountain stream. The answer would be "yes I do"

Anther things I like to do is watch leaves and stick float down stream.

Coffee is on.

Romana Mirza said...

Dear Robyn, I hope you don't mind but I'm being drawn to ask you to draw out not your anger but your passion. Your passion may (and should if it needs to) come out of anger but I see passion in its many beautiful forms. Yes it could be anger today and something else tomorrow but I'm being drawn so strongly to share this thought with you - to focus on drawing out your passion (in whatever form) is to focus on you, to focus on anger (or another emotion) is to focus on that negative or positive thing - not on you.

Romana Mirza said...

Yes! you got it, draw out your passion, replace the word anger with passion.

Bohemian Single Mom said...

You're amazing honey! I cannot simply put into words how inspiring your writing is.
*hugs